We Gave A Relationship Therapist 5 Of The Most Googled Relationship Questions, And Here Are Her Answers

Posted 21 hours ago

We Gave A Relationship Therapist 5 Of The Most Googled Relationship Questions, And Here Are Her Answers

“One of the greatest skills, sexually, is the ability to communicate.”

When it comes to relationship advice, some of us turn to friends, others to family — and others to Google.

So, I reached out to Rachel A Sussman — a licensed therapist and relationship expert — to talk about some of the relationship questions people have been searching for the most. Here’s what she said:

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Relationship expert Sussman says: “First of all, if you think your partner is cheating on you, you’ve got to ask yourself: ‘Why? What has changed?'”

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“Some people will say that it’s a feeling, that they don’t feel as into me, or they seem really distracted. Maybe you want to sit down with your partner and say, ‘You’ve seemed a little off lately. Can you speak to me about that?'”

Sussman continues: “I always say: Go to the source, go have a conversation, and try to figure out what’s going on.”

“Sometimes you’ll get an answer that you weren’t expecting at all. If your partner says, ‘To be honest with you, this has been bothering me about the relationship.’ Or someone might say, ‘Work is really stressful.'”

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For this one, Sussman says: “That’s another one I get a lot of. So, why would somebody write that? Usually, it’s because the boyfriend doesn’t want to have a lot of sex. More times than not, he’s not gay.”

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“What you want to try to do is really have a talk with them, and you want it to be a productive talk. You never want to shame them.”

“Men have a lot of pressure on them — everyone tends to think guys want to have sex all the time. But that’s actually not true.”

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“Maybe the guy’s sex drive has changed, or maybe he’s under a lot of stress. Maybe it is a symptom that something could be wrong in the relationship, that this person lost sexual attraction to you.”

Sussman adds: “For all the people who have said to me and all my career, ‘Can my boyfriend be gay?’ — usually, he isn’t. And when a boyfriend is gay, it can sometimes feel really shocking — but I think it’s a smaller percentage.”

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Sussman says: “I think this would be a couple where maybe one person is a little more experimental than the other person, or had higher expectations sexually. One of the greatest skills, sexually, is the ability to communicate.”

“In my experience as a couples counselor and a sex therapist, the couples that have the best sex talk about it. They tell each other what turns them on. Communication is the gateway drug to really good sex.”

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Sussman began: “I think people tend to look at codependent as someone who’s very dependent. Someone who wants to do something with you all the time, who maybe gets really upset when you’re leaving, or might even get upset or jealous when you’re out with your friends. The person who never wants to do anything without you. That’s how people tend to think of codependent, in layman’s terms.”

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“This could be a relationship where all of a sudden, you know, you’re starting to think, ‘Oh my God, does this person have any independence?’ You need to really sit down and say, I gotta tell you something I’m really concerned about.’”

“The best relationships are couples who really enjoy being together and really enjoy being separate. There’s more to talk about! You go out with your guy friends, you go out with girlfriends, you have a fun time, and you can talk about it.”

“You want to kind of talk to your partner about it [the codependency] before it gets so bad that you don’t want to be with them. Sometimes I see it just goes bad really quickly, and you’ve gotten just so turned off that you don’t even want to have that talk.”

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For this question, Sussman says: “Let me tell you as a sex therapist: Masturbation is a very healthy part of the human condition. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, it’s totally normal to masturbate. And it’s fun!”

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“Some couples are really open about it and they do it together, other people feel that there should be some privacy.”

“I’ve had women tell me that they’ve caught their boyfriends or husbands masturbating shortly after they’ve had sex — and that really upsets them. Why be upset by that? It’s just proof that they’re still horny after you’ve had sex, and they want to do it again. Let them do it again! Why be judgmental about that?”

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It looks like the common theme behind these answers seems to be to ask why someone might be asking in the first place — and, of course, communicate, communicate, communicate.

Note: Quotes have been edited for length and/or clarity.

There we have it, folks! Have you got any relationship questions you’d love answered by a pro? LMK in the comments!

Source: We Gave A Relationship Therapist 5 Of The Most Googled Relationship Questions, And Here Are Her Answers

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