We Gave A Relationship Therapist 5 Of The Most Googled Relationship Questions, And Here Are Her Answers
“One of the greatest skills, sexually, is the ability to communicate.”
When it comes to relationship advice, some of us turn to friends, others to family — and others to Google.
So, I reached out to Rachel A Sussman — a licensed therapist and relationship expert — to talk about some of the relationship questions people have been searching for the most. Here’s what she said:
Relationship expert Sussman says: “First of all, if you think your partner is cheating on you, you’ve got to ask yourself: ‘Why? What has changed?'”
Sussman continues: “I always say: Go to the source, go have a conversation, and try to figure out what’s going on.”
“Sometimes you’ll get an answer that you weren’t expecting at all. If your partner says, ‘To be honest with you, this has been bothering me about the relationship.’ Or someone might say, ‘Work is really stressful.'”
For this one, Sussman says: “That’s another one I get a lot of. So, why would somebody write that? Usually, it’s because the boyfriend doesn’t want to have a lot of sex. More times than not, he’s not gay.”
“Men have a lot of pressure on them — everyone tends to think guys want to have sex all the time. But that’s actually not true.”
Sussman adds: “For all the people who have said to me and all my career, ‘Can my boyfriend be gay?’ — usually, he isn’t. And when a boyfriend is gay, it can sometimes feel really shocking — but I think it’s a smaller percentage.”
Sussman says: “I think this would be a couple where maybe one person is a little more experimental than the other person, or had higher expectations sexually. One of the greatest skills, sexually, is the ability to communicate.”
“In my experience as a couples counselor and a sex therapist, the couples that have the best sex talk about it. They tell each other what turns them on. Communication is the gateway drug to really good sex.”
Sussman began: “I think people tend to look at codependent as someone who’s very dependent. Someone who wants to do something with you all the time, who maybe gets really upset when you’re leaving, or might even get upset or jealous when you’re out with your friends. The person who never wants to do anything without you. That’s how people tend to think of codependent, in layman’s terms.”
“The best relationships are couples who really enjoy being together and really enjoy being separate. There’s more to talk about! You go out with your guy friends, you go out with girlfriends, you have a fun time, and you can talk about it.”
“You want to kind of talk to your partner about it [the codependency] before it gets so bad that you don’t want to be with them. Sometimes I see it just goes bad really quickly, and you’ve gotten just so turned off that you don’t even want to have that talk.”
For this question, Sussman says: “Let me tell you as a sex therapist: Masturbation is a very healthy part of the human condition. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, it’s totally normal to masturbate. And it’s fun!”
“I’ve had women tell me that they’ve caught their boyfriends or husbands masturbating shortly after they’ve had sex — and that really upsets them. Why be upset by that? It’s just proof that they’re still horny after you’ve had sex, and they want to do it again. Let them do it again! Why be judgmental about that?”
It looks like the common theme behind these answers seems to be to ask why someone might be asking in the first place — and, of course, communicate, communicate, communicate.
Note: Quotes have been edited for length and/or clarity.
There we have it, folks! Have you got any relationship questions you’d love answered by a pro? LMK in the comments!